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Poster made by partyquest
THIS PHOTO WAS TAKEN LAST WEEK AT MY LOCAL KMART. YES, THAT IS A SEALED VHS TAPE OF JIMMY NEUTRON THE MOVIE, IN 2014, AT KMART, SITTING NEXT TO DVDS AND BLU-RAYS, PRICED AT $8.99
To give perspective, this film was released on VHS in 2002 and has been sitting unopened in a Kmart store for 12 years, longer than children now in middle school.
Plain proof that no one does inventory or gives a shit at any Kmart anywhere. Someone could probably live in Kmart and have no one notice.
In 2001, I did an experiment for school about the idea of living in a big-box store like this. I selected a busy 24hr Meijer, which is a midwest-only combination of Marts both K and Wal. I entered the store on a lovely friday afternoon, and didn’t leave the store until the following sunday evening. I read the entire magazine section, played all of the demos of the games in the electronics section, and beat minesweeper on my phone innumerable times. I ate at the pizza parlour they’d just installed, and slept on the display furniture. I wandered around the racks during the day, bored out of my skull. I considered buying frozen burritos and asking one of the employees if they had a breakroom where I could microwave them, but that felt like it wouldn’t truly answer the question if someone could live in a Meijer; I’d be using resources that weren’t public.
The only time I was ever asked if I needed any help was on sunday morning around 8am, and then it was only waking me up to ask me if I was drunk and had wandered in that night and fell asleep on their displays. I said, “no, I’m fine, I’m just trying this futon.” and was left alone.
The people that work there really don’t care.
u lived in a k-mart
This is the most magical thing I’ve ever had the privilege of reading
if the broadway and theatre community dislikes bootlegs so much and don’t want people filming their shows they need to work on making theatre a more accessible form of media by filming shows professionally because you know they talk a lot about being a very open welcoming community but don’t do anything to make that community welcoming to people who can’t afford to see shows or people who live in rural areas and are literally unable to attend shows at all
(I’m going to an animé convention after work. I’m wearing a short-haired black wig and blue contacts to dress up as my favorite animé character. Note that I normally have brown hair and brown eyes.)
Customer: What the f*** are you looking at?
Me: Beg pardon?
(I was literally looking towards the entrance and the customer stood on the right side of the shop, browsing some comics.)
Customer: You f***! You’re dressed up as [animé character]!
Me: …No, I’m not. I’m dressed as Hiraga Saito. He’s the male main character from Zero no Tsukaima.
Customer: F*** you! I know what the f*** I’m talking about!
(He proceeds to shove a picture of another animé character into my face. That character looks NOTHING like me as that one is blond and green eyed. I raise my eyebrow.)
Me: …I have black hair and blue eyes. How in the name of whatever that’s Holy do you think I’m looking like a green eyed blond?!
Customer: F*** you!
(He hurries off. I shake my head and resume working.
A few hours later, I’m heading to the animé convention and is now wearing a blue and white sweater and black pants, which the character I’m dressed as also wears. I’m there alone and is looking around, when I come across a person who sells some fan-made manga comics. I pick one up and browse it lightly.) Familiar voice: Hello! Tell me if I can help you!
(I look up and see the customer from earlier. I stare straight at him for about five seconds, put down the manga and walk off. A few minutes later, I spot a girl with long pink hair dressed in a white shirt and black skirt. Basically, she’s looking from Louise, who is the main character from Zero no Tsukaima. I walk up to her.)
Me: Hello, Louise.
(She turns around and looks at me. Louise in the animé is known for being tsundere - that is, very cold and cruel but at times, very kind and cute.)
Girl: Honestly, you’re late, perverted dog!
Me: Haha, I got it! My apologies!
Girl: Humph! I guess I’ll let it slide this time!
(We both start laughing and decide to walk together. After a few hours, we both decide to call it a day and walk past the customer from earlier. By now, I’ve taken off my wig and contacts.)
Customer: Hey! You there!
(He shouts at the girl who’s walking next to me, who has proven to be extremely shy.)
Customer: Why don’t you just ditch that f***ing loser? I’ll show you a real f***ing man!
(The girl hides behind me and I walk up to him.)
Me: Here’s a little tip, buddy. You’re banned from ever entering [store name] ever again.
Customer: F*** you! You don’t have the authority to say that!
Me: …I’m the store manager.
(I put on my wig and contacts again, then face him again.)
Me: You decided to be an a** earlier and now you’re telling a girl to - as you put it - “dump me for you”? Yeah, I think we’ll pass!
(The girl and I walk off. The next day, she enters the store and notices me.)
Me: Hm? Hey! Can I help you?
Girl: You said you’re a fan of Zero no Tsukaima, right?
Me: Yep. That’s partly why I dressed up as Saito.
Girl: Haha, cool! I love Louise! She’s so pretty!
Me: Yeah, no kidding!
(We chit-chat for a while as the general manager comes fuming up to me.) General manager: YOU’RE F***ING FIRED! YOU CAN’T F***ING BAN MY F***ING BROTHER FROM ENTERING THE F***ING STORE!
(He proceeds to yell profanities at me for about ten minutes. Meanwhile, the girl is completely silent at all times. Once done, I shake my head and throw my name tag at him.)
Me: Go f*** yourself. I’m out.
General manager: What the f*** do you want?!
Girl: Do you know [boss’ name]?
General manager: Of course I f***ing do! He’s the boss!
Girl: I’m his daughter. And I won’t have you speak like that to my familiar!
(She points to me.)
Girl: Also, father told me that if I wanted to fire someone in this store because s/he is an idiot, I’m allowed to. So, you’re fired.
(She turns back to me.)
Girl: You’re back to being the store manager. Get on it!
(Both of us look dumbfounded as the now ex-general manager leaves. I put on my name plate again and smile at her.)
Me: Was that the truth?
Girl: No. He’s in reality my uncle.
(I burst into laughter.
A year later, she and I got married. I’m now the district manager!)